


To Me You Are the Sea, Vast as You Can Be

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: When We're Together [4]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 01:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2410004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Rossi was still going with the flow.  The flow had just entered some very choppy waters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Me You Are the Sea, Vast as You Can Be

**Author's Note:**

> 5/6/2010
> 
> The past 24 days has been crazy since I've gotten into Rossi/Strauss. It started with writing [Thicker than Water](http://community.livejournal.com/lairofthemuses/tag/thicker%20than%20water%20original) and wanting to find a way to insert Rossi into the story. I thought to myself with a smirk that I could make him Erin's boyfriend *giggle* Little did I know I was going to fall in love with them. I only have myself to blame. But I can totally blame [](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/profile)[**citymusings**](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/) for this love affair going "canon" *lol* I'm thinking I will take a break for a while and working on some other fics. I'll be back with something happier though, I promise.
> 
> The title comes from the Norah Jones song, _What Am I to You_.

“No, just stop. Stop it and listen to me. Dammit, Eli…”

“Why won't you just listen to me?”

“I can't listen anymore; I've been listening to you for 25 years. You need to listen to me…its over.”

“I love you, Erin, and I've been good to you. I don’t understand why you're doing this. After all I've given you I deserve better than this. I deserve more than being discarded like a dirty towel.”

“I'm not doing that.” Erin sighed. “Can we not do this again? Can we not go round and round until I have a migraine? Just because you don’t like my answer does not mean it will change to suit your needs. Its not you, Eli, this is my thing. I know you were a good husband; you truly were. I just don’t want to be your wife anymore.”

“Are you seeing someone else?” He asked. “Is that it? Are you fucking him? Is he young and good looking?”

“Eli!” She exclaimed. “You’ve gone too far. Stop it now!”

Mudgie began to bark when she raised her voice. Erin tried to shush him but he wasn’t one for being shushed.

“Is that a damn dog? Where are you? Are you with him right now? Is that his dog?”

“You're being ridiculous.” She covered her face with her hands. “You’ve got to stop this…its not good for us.”

Dave crept into the living room, taking Mudgie by the collar. The dog calmed down and followed his master out of the room.

“Erin, all I want is a chance to speak. You’ve said everything you want to say but every time I try to you shut me down. That’s not fair after a quarter century of my love and devotion. Why are you shocked that I think there's someone else?”

“There is someone else, there's me. You’ve been smothering me and I'm gasping for air. Please stop calling me. You promised to give me space and you haven’t kept your promise. I need space; you're killing me, Eli.”

“How do you think I feel?” He asked.

 _I don’t give a good goddamn how you feel right now_ , her mind screamed.

“Goodnight, Eli. I swear if you call me back once more tonight I'm filing paperwork in the morning to keep you away from me. I don’t want to threaten you but this is making me very uncomfortable. Don’t make me do that.”

“Erin, I just…”

She hung up. She turned off her phone and wondered how many voicemails she might have in the morning. This was going beyond anything she ever anticipated. The personal life of Erin Strauss was quickly becoming an episode of _Dateline_. How did something like this happen and how was she supposed to stop it?

She hated Eli; her heart hated him. Then her soul would ache because whenever she tried to reach in and grasp the love they once shared, Erin couldn’t find it. Had she ever loved him? Had she ever loved anyone? There were her children…she had been an efficient mother.

No, she was a good mother; they all said so. Her children were first in her heart. Nora, Mary Kate, and Edward were blessings from above. She was thankful everyday to be their mother. That’s why she’d been so damn angry at Aaron Hotchner for saying Teddy was her favorite. Erin knew deep down there were times when she showered him with affection.

He was not just her only son but her youngest. Her pregnancy had been so hard…his life was a miracle in itself. Still, she taught her daughters to be strong, smart, and sure. She raised them with love and discipline as her mother raised her. Their success personally and professionally was only a testament to how well she did her job.

Right? Fuck, she hated Eli. She hated him for making her question everything like this. Damn him, damn him straight to hell. Oh God, he deserved so much better than her.

Dave sat down beside her on the couch. He just sat there, didn’t speak a word. He really didn’t have to since the silence had always spoken volumes between them. Every time Erin glanced at him he was looking ahead. Nothing surprised her more than when he wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her close. He leaned back, Erin curling her body into his.

She felt the pain and frustration building up in the back of her throat. It felt raw, it hurt, but there was no way to stop it. Gripping his expensive dress shirt so hard Erin though she might rip holes in it, the tears began to fall. So hot they nearly burned her skin, she buried her face deeper into his chest. He held on tight and let the pain flow out of her and into him.

A strange sound shot up from her diaphragm; she could no longer contain the sobs. She shook, cried and sobbed…Dave just held her. He stroked her hair and whispered in her ear. He hardly knew what he said but he kept whispering. He’d never seen Erin cry before, not even silent, stoic tears. It seemed as if decades of tears and pain were coming tonight.

He was glad he was there to comfort her. No one should be alone when they cried like this. When the sobs finally ebbed, even though the tears hadn’t, Erin extracted herself from his embrace. She covered her face with her hands so Dave wouldn’t see her and walked over to the powder room. When he heard the door close softly, he turned to look at it. He knew she would be in there a while so he set about preparing.

Up off the couch, Dave went to the kitchen and poured a full glass of Yellow Tail Riesling. Then he walked into the bedroom where Mudgie had taken over the bed. Dave put the wineglass on the nightstand, went into the bathroom and started filling the tub. The water was hot but that was better if she was going to be a long time. Erin would not only need to shake the tears but the embarrassment that she’d broken down in front of someone. She’d broken down in front of her lover.

He hoped that didn’t make her run away and never come back. To keep from turning on her phone, getting Eli’s number, and channeling his inner Michael Corleone, Dave focused on the bath water. He poured in a capful of her favorite lavender bubble bath. Then he dropped in a lavender scented bath bomb. While the tub filled with water, Dave turned on his satellite radio. He took the little remote, flipping the channels up and up until it got to the smooth jazz station they both loved listening to.

He turned the water off before it rose too high and then joined Mudgie on the bed. The waiting was the hardest part but Diana Krall would keep him company. Soon enough she walked in. Erin had done a good job cleaning her face but her eyes gave her away. Her eyes had been giving her away since the day they met.

“What are you doing?” She asked, doing her best to keep her voice steady. Her best was quite excellent.

“Nothing. I ran you a hot bath.”

“Oh David…”

He got up from the bed, embracing her. She fit so perfectly in his arms but he didn’t need to think about that. Dave Rossi was still going with the flow. The flow had just entered some very choppy waters. He knew they needed to talk about Eli and the Strauss marriage situation. It was better to strike while the iron was hot but right now it was searing. Neither of them needed any more third degree burns. It could wait.

“There's lavender bubble bath and a bath bomb as well.” He said, drawing her into a tender kiss.

“You bought the things I like.” She said.

“I want you to be comfortable here. You're tense and this should help you relax.”

“What if I'm still tense after my bath?”

“I’ll take care of you…you know that I will.”

“I come with a lot of baggage, David.” She hardly wanted to say it but the truth was essential. This probably wouldn’t work anyway but it surely wouldn’t if they weren't honest with each other.

“You want to scare me away but you won't.” He replied.

“I just want to be truthful.” She said, hugging him. God, she didn’t want to lean on him but it felt like such a relief that he was there.

“I'm here, Erin, and I'm staying here. Now you need to get in the tub before the water cools. The wine on the nightstand is for you.”

Erin nodded, walking away from him. She took the glass of wine and went into the bathroom. She wanted to talk to him…she wanted to spill her guts. Erin spent so many years building and perfecting the Ivory Tower that she lived in; now she was trapped on the top floor. She could look out the window, see Dave on the ground, but she couldn’t reach him. He couldn’t reach her either. He was a resourceful man so maybe he would find a way before she withered away alone.

***

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. He was lying in bed with his dog and no interruption from the BAU. There was a beautiful woman in his tub and eventually she would be joining him in the bed…without the dog. It was a good night for David Rossi. It was good on paper anyway. As usual, there was much more going on under the surface. He dove into one of his favorite Spenser novels, finding it impossible to stop turning pages. Dave had no idea when he fell asleep but the open book rested on his chest, his glasses were starting to slip off, and her kisses made him open his eyes.

“Do you know how cute you are when you're asleep?” She asked, pulling off his glasses and putting them on the nightstand.

“No one’s ever told me that before.” Dave replied.

“Well it’s true.”

“How was your bath?”

“It was amazing…I feel much better.”

“I'm glad to hear it.” Dave smiled. “I just wanted to do something to help.”

“You did, David, really. I was slipping. I'm sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“I lost it; I'm sorry you had to see me that way.”

“You're being silly,” Dave pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. “You're beautiful but silly. Any way I see you is alright with me. I mean that sincerely.”

“I know you do.” Erin whispered. She closed her eyes, a small gasp coming from her throat when he held her close. “I know.” She stroked his hair.

“Erin, I need to ask you something personal.”

“Alright.” Her stomach dropped. It was coming, it had to come. She had to make a decision about what she would do. This was her chance to run. Erin knew what would happen if she ran. She’d done it before; hell she’d done it to Dave. If she stayed the situation would be unclear. She was not a fan of unclear.

“How long have you and Eli been separated?” He asked.

“Four months. All of this is my fault, Dave. Eli didn’t see it coming; I dropped a bomb on him.”

“If he wants you so much how did you get him to agree to a separation?”

“I don’t remember the exact conversation but I told him I needed time. I may have given him the impression that this wasn’t the end. If I did, it was just to get the space. He is smothering me and the worse part is that it hasn’t stopped. Sometimes I'm afraid.”

“Why?” Dave asked.

“Because I don’t know what he’s capable of. You never know what someone is capable of until you push them to the edge. I changed the locks at the house because I didn’t want him to come in and murder me while I slept. I'm an FBI Agent; I've seen these kinds of situations up close." She laughed, but it was mirthless and nervous. "God, I sound like a damn Lifetime movie. Who do you think would play me in the movie? Jean Smart maybe…Judith Light would be good.”

“He’s not going to hurt you while I'm around. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

“It’s my fault. I led him astray when I should've just said I wanted out.”

“Can I ask why you want out?”

“I don’t love him anymore.” Erin replied. “I have difficulty remembering a time when I did. I'm almost 50 years old David; I just need a space and a place of my own. I have my job, I have some friends, and I have three amazing children. Still, sometimes I look in the mirror and I have no idea who I am. I need to get back to Erin.”

“I understand.” He said.

“Do you?”

“Absolutely.” Dave nodded. “When you're part of something for so long it’s easy to become it. And then you turn around and you don’t know what you were before. You go on this journey to find out; sometimes you have to leave the people that love you behind. In the end nothing matters if you're empty.”

“Empty, that’s a good word for it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She said.

“I just need to say one more thing.”

Erin sighed but conceded. He knew that concession was a very big deal in whatever this was they were doing.

“You’ve got to face him, Erin. I’ll be there if you'd like, close but not in the middle, but you really have to talk to him. Eli has to get his say and you can have yours. I'm not saying he’ll like the results but he needs to talk.”

“I’ll call my lawyer. We’ll do it in the neutrality of his office. I don’t know how I feel about being alone with him. Dave, I just have this ominous feeling. I can't get rid of it; it’s right in the pit of my stomach.”

“It'll be alright.” Dave held her close again. “While you have to face this on your own that doesn’t mean I won't have your back.”

“You're putting yourself in a precarious position.” Erin said.

“I'm a big boy and can handle anything I have to handle.”

They slid down on the bed. Erin moved under the covers with him as Dave turned off the lamp. He held her close, listening to her breathe. Her heart beat on his side. They sought and found comfort in each other. It was a great feeling.

“Don’t feel sorry for me.” She said.

“I don’t, Erin. I don’t. Don’t feel sorry for yourself.”

This was all a big mess and for the first time in a long time Erin didn’t know how to fix it. She always knew how to fix it…she had an answer for everything. There was no immediate answer for this. She didn’t want Dave involved in this. He was not her boyfriend and he damn sure wasn’t her savior. But he was something, wasn’t he?

She felt it deep down in the tips of her toes as his fingers stroked her back underneath the tee shirt she was wearing. It was his tee shirt. He was all over her, and vice-versa. This was something and she wanted to hold onto it with both hands. Erin didn’t have to lose the battle or the war; it was just time to change tactics. Her general seemed ready to run into the fire with her. She prayed she wasn’t wrong about that.

***

  



End file.
